Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Bikini…… Not Me!!

It’s about that time again. Can you hear that……

The collective groan from women everywhere as we head into spring / summer and the inevitable challenge of being



This is so me.

Actually I won’t be one of the hundreds of women desperately trying to slim down. No thank you. Even in my younger carefree days I never donned a bikini so the likelihood of me doing it now is nil!

Now don’t worry I like to swim. But I’d rather be doing it in a one piece. With boardies. And a rashy.

Favourite's from last year!
Favourite’s from last year!

Partly because of the whole sun smart thing but mostly because I’m ridiculously self conscious when it comes to any form of torture  swimwear.

Picture this…..

Skinny white legs. Best left unseen and they actually do resemble those of a chicken. Not. Even. Kidding

Thigh Gap. Yes my gosh I’m so lucky to have a naturally occurring thigh gap. Said no rational human being EVER.

Middle Age Spread. Fortunately for me my weight doesn’t distribute itself anywhere helpful like my boobs or backside. No siree instead it likes to accumulate around my tummy. Making me look like I have a floatation ring permanently attached to my mid-section  ( thank god I’m going swimming, it will come in handy! ). Bahahahaha

I’m sure people see me in photo’s or in real life and think or assume I must be totally at ease with my body. But I can assure you I’M NOT!!

So just to recap I will not be getting bikini ready any time soon.

Which is probably just as well because I also really hate to exercise! It’s just not me. All that huffing and puffing. If I’m going to end up red faced and sweating it had better be the result of doing something fun! You know what I’m sayin…… nudge nudge wink wink!

So True!

And dieting! Nup not doing that either. I’m all for healthy eating and making good food choices but nothing comes between me and a McChicken burger. Don’t Judge Me. Oh and chocolate, yeah nothing gets in the way of that either!

If I do feel like I need to drop a couple of kg’s I will watch what I eat ( eg, step away from the Tim Tam’s ) and haul my pancake butt up the road for a walk. That’s as energetic as I get. Plus all the walking I do when I’m out shopping, that’s why I’m in good shape, because I shop A LOT!!

So what about you? Will you be bikini ready when the summer hits?

At the end of the day it’s really not that important to me how I look in bathers. I won’t lose sleep over it! And this post is me poking fun at myself again. It shouldn’t matter what you look like. What matters is how YOU feel about yourself. We all know confidence is about rocking your outfit whether your wearing a bikini or a ballgown! It’s all about the ‘tude.

Any suggestions on dressing a skinny white female so she doesn’t look like a popstick would be very welcomed!

Go out there and rock you’ve got.

Now where did I put those Tim Tam’s…….


The Last Time I donned A Bikini!
The Last Time I donned A Bikini!

Remember sharing is caring xxx

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