It’s a funny business blogging…… sometimes you sit down to write one thing and something completely different comes out!
This is one of those posts….
For whatever reason, I’m not even sure myself why these thoughts just had to come out.
It’s 8.15pm Thursday night. Hubby is at indoor soccer, the kids have been fed and showered. I’m fresh out of the shower myself and have retreated to the lounge. I’m planning on drafting a post and
shopping online researching!
On my coffee table is a candle that I’ve had for a couple of years at least. It’s basically just a decorative item. But tonight as I glance at the candle I think to myself, ‘I bet it smells really nice and yet it just sits there doing nothing’. Light the candle.
And then because the bloody candle is teasing me now ( light me, light me ) and because my thoughts have a tendency to run away from me I start to think about my mum. Maybe she’s on my mind with Mothers Day just around the corner. But that can’t be it because she’s in my thoughts most days. Something about tonight is…… different.
Tonight as I sit and stare at the candle I think of all the things my mum didn’t do. Sure she raised four awesome children, she worked and helped out many family members and friends. But what about the other things, like lighting the nice smelling candle?
She didn’t take holidays, or buy new cars. She never got her nails done or bought expensive clothes. She saved for a rainy day just in case something bad happened. And you know what something bad did happen, to her.
I don’t mean to be depressing or morose but tonight it’s bothering me, those ‘things’ she never did. And don’t worry she would have laughed at the ‘she died’ comment if she were here. She would also have loved Gogglebox, would have had a few choice words to say about Kim Kardashian and would definitely still be watching The Bold and The Beautiful!
Writing this post makes me think of the Alanis Morissette song Ironic.
‘An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day
It’s a black fly in your Chardonnay
It’s a death row pardon two minutes too late
And isn’t it ironic… don’t you think’
How funny and ironic life can be, how fleeting. It’s like the Sliding Doors movie….. choose this path or this path.
Maybe my mum is trying to tell me something. Something like, get on with your life or more likely get over yourself. Take the next step, rise to the challenge and believe in yourself.
Self doubt is such a massive time waster ( I’m guilty of it ). It robs you of experiences because you never take a chance, you think you can’t do it or worse still you think you don’t deserve it. Hello, that’s me!
But I think it’s time to burn the candle. Do more of what makes you happy, for me that’s blogging. Move to another country if that’s what you want. Show the doubters and most importantly yourself that you CAN do it.
I’m guilty of waiting. I had special occasion outfits that the kids never wore and then outgrew. What a waste, waiting for an occasion to be special enough when everyday is enough!
I don’t want to exist in this world I want to LIVE in this world. I want to eat the cupcakes, buy the shoes and wear the perfume just because.
I want to show my kids that it’s okay to stuff something up. Making a mistake doesn’t make you stupid, it makes you human!
So thanks candle for shining a light ( pardon the pun ) on all the ‘special’ things I have in my life. Thanks for showing me the way forward.
I think she’s there you know, my mum. In that flickering flame casting a beautiful glow, protective even all around me.
It’s funny how an evening can pan out. How something as banal as lighting a candle can answer all the questions I’ve been asking myself and silencing the critic in my head.
I’m sorry this wasn’t a typical Mother’s Day post but I know you guys won’t mind indulging me for just a little bit!
If your a mum like me I hope you know how appreciated you are, I hope you realize what an amazing job you are doing.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the gorgeous mummies, nana’s, great grandmothers and any other special women who deserve to be celebrated!
Finally for those after something a bit more upbeat pop over and visit Vicki from The Fashionable Mum. She has written a lovely Mother’s Day inspired post complete with sponge cake recipe (yum!)
And there’s a GIVEAWAY!!!